Bush Commutes Convict's Sentence without Getting Some Kind of Payment in Return; Clinton Outraged

"He's unfairly driving down prices!" the randy former president was heard to say. "How will Hillary raise any money with this administration setting this as a precedent? Now all our scumbag friends will expect the same treatment. Why, it took three Columbian drug lord pardons just to keep my private jet supplied with microwaveable popcorn for a year." Clinton then crammed an entire piece of peanut butter cheesecake in his mouth and started humping the leg of a nearby grand piano.